A submissive’s letters to her online friend – Letter 3– What would a pyschiatrist think? An introduction to the story “Chains”

My dearest Emma,

At what stage does age regression set in? I think the irrationality, the denial, the self indulgence of some of our parents is enough to divert the wind out of anyone’s sails. Some people age gracefully and their graciousness never deserts them; others are sent to try the sandwich generation and pay us back in this life  for our sins.

I apologize now for being unable to physically perform; when the mind is in turmoil and the lifestyle shackled, physical expression tends to take a back seat. I am grateful for small mercies which allow me to escape – to escape to the virtual world where we can create the alternate worlds in which you and I exist. Sexy and passionate, unbridled by conventionality, societal norms have no rules where our relationship lives.

Should my writing ever be studied, I have often wondered what a psychiatrist would think! It is easy to attach labels, easy to judge. Lesbian, femdom, masochism, slut. So what would I be labeled, how would I be judged, when at the end of the day each thought and interaction is a flight of fancy, a mental image to be lived out.

I have often written of spanking, whipping, chains and and submission, but always I hope, I do it in a beautiful way.  I don’t wish for the tawdry, the unbridled sadism, the blood and the gore, the loss of humanity or more. I wish and dream of a sultry relationship where love, passion and kind transcend all.

I have never believed that a psychiatrist would find anything more than a kinky person at heart, someone who wants to live out deepest yearnings in an alternative world. It is not to say that I am unhappy with my lot; I love my family, my opportunities to interact with nature, my photography and more.

The world of my writing is something deeper than that – it’s a place where I can express the deepest aspects of my unconventional soul.

So what would a psychiatrist make of the my story post today – the first chapter of which there are many more to come? It is about shackles and chains, restrictions and pain. It is about one of the many kinks I have dreamed of before. What of the timing, what of the content, is it pure coincidence that it was started this week?

Caring for difficult parents can tear one down to the soul; you love them for what they have been and not for the way they behave. There is no upside in their juvenile ways; things can only get worse as time marches on. You are shackled and chained to them by family ties, submitting to their whims, punished by their ways. There is nothing sexy though, nothing erotic can take place while under their roof. It is chains and submission of a totally different kind.

So while this is all happening, I write the first chapters of a new story called ‘Chains’, no linkage in my mind to the situation I am in. It is a story of physical and emotional submission, the kind I adore, lust and passion, physical pleasure and pain. Fragrances I can only smell on my way through duty free, they would be as out of place as a lover in this old house where I have to bed down for free.

A psychiatrist and my sensitive, emotionally tuned lover would make the linkage at once – and you did Emma !! You made a linkage that I never saw. The chains of the aged, the chains of my dreams, the topic of my writing, the essence of my thoughts.

Don’t worry, though Emma, my mind is quite clear: this was a story waiting to be written. “Chains” is a kink, a perversion which had to be told. It was just that the opportunity was never quite there. With time on my hands, with work pressures not here, I can grab the minutes to write it all out.

I hope you enjoy “Chains” Emma, it was written for you, and I hope the other readers know the role they play: they are voyeurs of a mind game that plays out between you and me; the story is about us, and they are welcome to peek in.

And what would the psychiatrist say? If it was one that was worth her salt, she would tell me how lucky I am, to have a channel to vent, an online lover and an outlet for ‘our’ fantasy where no harm is ever meant. Enjoy the story Emma, it is written for you; and for all the other readers, I hope they get as much gratification from it as we do.

submissively yours

caitlin

 

 

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A submissive’s letters to her online friend – Letter 2 – Tease and Denial

Dear Emma

Online relationships are so difficult!

There are so many things that can get in the way of a fulfilling ‘chat’; timing, work pressures, interruptions, location to name just a few. Getting close when you are sitting in a semi-public space with interruptions, minimal privacy and slow networks make online intimacy something of a challenge.

Yet today, dear Emma, you managed to break through and despite it all, i found myself getting more and more aroused. Was it fulfilling to be sitting in baggy jeans and t-shirt, clunky shoes and a thousand distractions? At first i thought not, but then ifound myself responding. My panties became wet, my nipples felt like sensitive, plump berries, waiting to be plucked, to be tweaked, twisted and pulled. You ordered me to move to the shower or my bedroom and denied my protestations that i couldn’t do that; i was so concerned that the household buzz threatened our intimacy. That dominance inflamed me, Emma; you can’t under-estimate what behavior like that can do. It caused my heart rate to go up, and new flood of dampness to threaten.

i DID move to my bedroom and knelt on the carpet. One might thing that carpets are soft – this one offered no protection, no padding. It was hard on my knees, Emma, and as I knelt with my thighs spread wide and rested my bum on my heels, my juices flowed and as I tugged at my nips, it felt as if my clit might explode. i wished i had been kneeling at your feet Emma, not in a strange bedroom in an old house where I am a visitor.

i was about to cum Emma; an hour earlier i would not have believed it possible. i had been feeling sexless, dowdy and frumpish. Isn’t it amazing what online can do – the physicality disappears and the mind takes over.

But you told me not to – so i didn’t. i appreciated you allowing me to clean myself up, but it has left me feeling on edge and frustrated. It played out as a classic case of Tease and Denial, Emma. i hope as hard as i can that your email will come and that i will be able to please you with my control and perhaps my release.

Thank you Emma, thank you for your control, thank you for your dominance, thank you for being you.

submissively yours

caitlin

A submissive’s letters to her online friend – Letter 1 – Introduction

Cait and Emma have been online friends for a few years. They come from different backgrounds and countries, have different lifestyles and different real life challenges to face, fears to face down, yet they have formed a friendship that transcends real life. They share a love for kink and fun; can the relationship be sustained and grow in this virtual world?

Both ladies are submissive; Cait leads a vanilla lifestyle, while Emma has a hubby who indulges her with the odd spanking when her bottom deserves it.

Join Cait for the journey in this one-sided exchange as she explores the possibilities and continues to experiment with her own sexuality.

Dear Emma

It was such a pleasure to meet you in the chatroom yesterday. I love your company; despite your real life problems (don’t we all have those!) you are always breezy and easy to chat to, to joke with, to have a light-hearted gossip about our mutual friends.

You said something to me yesterday that should have hurt, but instead it aroused me, left me uncomfortably but deliciously damp. I am sure my colleagues would have noticed my flushed neck, perhaps smelled the distinctive scent of arousal. You don’t quite realise what you did to me, Em, when you called me “Your bitch”.

Changing the tone of a relationship is so hard Em; one never knows how the other will react. Think of the first time you disclosed your spanking relationship to your hubby; what a risk it was!!! What would he think of you, would he still accept you as he had before?

Your comment Em, changed me. I knew then that I actually did want to be “your bitch”.

I thought about it a lot Em, and realised that the onus for change was on me, not on you. I have always joshed with you and intentionally treated you mis-respectfully. I think our relationship is built on more than just kidding each other; I think we know that we can each turn each other on.

So I determined that I would start to treat you with proper respect, Emma. I love your sense of humor, and I hope we can still have fun. I also love your sense of exploration, your confidence in your own sexuality, your loyalty.

I hope this letter does not disturb you but I wanted you to know why you might sense a different attitude when we next meet. I am not being cold; I hope you can appreciate that. This has been a hard letter to write and I am just hoping desperately that it will not cause any bad vibe to come between you and me.

Love as always,

Caitlin