My dearest Emma,
At what stage does age regression set in? I think the irrationality, the denial, the self indulgence of some of our parents is enough to divert the wind out of anyone’s sails. Some people age gracefully and their graciousness never deserts them; others are sent to try the sandwich generation and pay us back in this life for our sins.
I apologize now for being unable to physically perform; when the mind is in turmoil and the lifestyle shackled, physical expression tends to take a back seat. I am grateful for small mercies which allow me to escape – to escape to the virtual world where we can create the alternate worlds in which you and I exist. Sexy and passionate, unbridled by conventionality, societal norms have no rules where our relationship lives.
Should my writing ever be studied, I have often wondered what a psychiatrist would think! It is easy to attach labels, easy to judge. Lesbian, femdom, masochism, slut. So what would I be labeled, how would I be judged, when at the end of the day each thought and interaction is a flight of fancy, a mental image to be lived out.
I have often written of spanking, whipping, chains and and submission, but always I hope, I do it in a beautiful way. I don’t wish for the tawdry, the unbridled sadism, the blood and the gore, the loss of humanity or more. I wish and dream of a sultry relationship where love, passion and kind transcend all.
I have never believed that a psychiatrist would find anything more than a kinky person at heart, someone who wants to live out deepest yearnings in an alternative world. It is not to say that I am unhappy with my lot; I love my family, my opportunities to interact with nature, my photography and more.
The world of my writing is something deeper than that – it’s a place where I can express the deepest aspects of my unconventional soul.
So what would a psychiatrist make of the my story post today – the first chapter of which there are many more to come? It is about shackles and chains, restrictions and pain. It is about one of the many kinks I have dreamed of before. What of the timing, what of the content, is it pure coincidence that it was started this week?
Caring for difficult parents can tear one down to the soul; you love them for what they have been and not for the way they behave. There is no upside in their juvenile ways; things can only get worse as time marches on. You are shackled and chained to them by family ties, submitting to their whims, punished by their ways. There is nothing sexy though, nothing erotic can take place while under their roof. It is chains and submission of a totally different kind.
So while this is all happening, I write the first chapters of a new story called ‘Chains’, no linkage in my mind to the situation I am in. It is a story of physical and emotional submission, the kind I adore, lust and passion, physical pleasure and pain. Fragrances I can only smell on my way through duty free, they would be as out of place as a lover in this old house where I have to bed down for free.
A psychiatrist and my sensitive, emotionally tuned lover would make the linkage at once – and you did Emma !! You made a linkage that I never saw. The chains of the aged, the chains of my dreams, the topic of my writing, the essence of my thoughts.
Don’t worry, though Emma, my mind is quite clear: this was a story waiting to be written. “Chains” is a kink, a perversion which had to be told. It was just that the opportunity was never quite there. With time on my hands, with work pressures not here, I can grab the minutes to write it all out.
I hope you enjoy “Chains” Emma, it was written for you, and I hope the other readers know the role they play: they are voyeurs of a mind game that plays out between you and me; the story is about us, and they are welcome to peek in.
And what would the psychiatrist say? If it was one that was worth her salt, she would tell me how lucky I am, to have a channel to vent, an online lover and an outlet for ‘our’ fantasy where no harm is ever meant. Enjoy the story Emma, it is written for you; and for all the other readers, I hope they get as much gratification from it as we do.